Archive for February, 2011

Happy Hour

February 28, 2011

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E-Newsletter

Please feel free to visit my website at http://akin.house.gov/ to contact me and let me know the issues that concern you.

 

 

Some interesting tidbits…

February 21, 2011
Stuff you didn’t know you didn’t know! 

 

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Good bye Mom

February 28, 2011

From the office of Congressman Todd Akin, More lies and damned lies!

February 23, 2011

Sent: February 23, 2011 10:31 AM
Subject: From the office of Congressman Todd Akin

 

 

Dear Daniel:

Thank you contacting me regarding H.R. 358, the Protect Life Act. I appreciate the opportunity to respond.

As you already know, the government takeover of health care became law on March 23, 2010, without my support or the support of any Republicans. H.R. 3590 did not include language that would prohibit federal funding of abortions. In order to gain the votes of a group of pro-life Democrats, President Obama issued an Executive Order prohibiting federally funded abortions. However, an Executive Order does not in any way change the law, and can be reversed or altered at the stroke of a pen by this or any subsequent President without any congressional approval or notice.

Since Roe v. Wade, courts have viewed the decision as a statutory mandate that the government must provide federal funding for elective abortion in federal programs. In other words, no Executive Order or regulation can override a statutory mandate unless Congress passes a law that prohibits federal funding from being used in this manner.

In order to prohibit taxpayer-funded abortions, a law needs to be enacted.  I am a cosponsor of H.R. 358, which amends the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act to prevent federal funding for abortion or abortion coverage through government exchanges, community health centers, or any other program funded or created by PPACA.

As a committed member of the Pro-Life Caucus, please know that I will work tirelessly to stop the deaths of innocent children that H.R. 3590 will inevitably cause. Thank you once again for your support and action, and for taking the time to keep me updated with your views. Please do not hesitate to contact me in the future if I can be of any further assistance.

It is a privilege to represent you and I hope that you will not hesitate to contact me regarding any matter where I might be of assistance. Please visit my website, where you can find more information on current issues, share further thoughts with me via email and subscribe to my e-newsletter for updates on issues you care about. 

Sincerely,

Todd Akin
Member of Congress

Join our online community!

 
 
 
 
 



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Every day more money
is printed for Monopoly than the  U.S.  
Treasury. 


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— ———— ——— ——– 


Men can read smaller
print than women can; women can hear better.


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——— ——— ——— —- 


Coca-Cola was
originally green. 


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——— ——— ——— —- 

It is impossible to lick
your elbow.


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——— ——— ——— —- 


The State with the
highest percentage of people who walk to work: 

Alaska 

————
——— ——— ——— —- 


The percentage of
Africa that is wilderness: 28%
(now get this…) 


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——— ——— ——— —-


The percentage of
North America that is wilderness: 38%

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——— — —— ——— ——— ——— ———
——

The cost of raising
a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:

$ 16,400


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——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
—— 


The average number
of people airborne over the U.S. in any given
hour: 

61,000 

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——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
—— 


Intelligent people
have more zinc and copper in their hair.. 


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——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
——

The first novel ever
written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer. 


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— ———— ——— ——— ——— ———
——— –

The  San Francisco  
Cable cars are the only mobile National
Monuments. 


————
——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
——

Each king in a deck
of playing cards represents a great king from history:


Spades – King David


Hearts – Charlemagne


Clubs -Alexander,
the Great

Diamonds – Julius
Caesar 


————
——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
——

111,111,111 x
111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 

————
——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
—— 


If a statue in the park of a person on a horse
has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air,
the person died because of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died
of natural causes


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—— — ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
——

Only two people
signed the Declaration of  Independence  on July 4, John Hancock
and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but
the last signature wasn’t added until 5 years later.


————
——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
—— 


Q. Half of all
Americans live within 50 miles of what? 


A. Their birthplace


————
——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
—— 


Q. Most boat owners
name their boats. What is the most popular boat name
requested?


A.
Obsession 

————
——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
—— 


Q.. If you were to
spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you
would find the letter ‘A’?


A. One thousand 
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——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
—— 


Q. What do
bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser
printers have in common?


A. All were invented
by women. 


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——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
——

Q. What is the only
food that doesn’t spoil?

Retired husband – FUNNY AS HELL!

February 18, 2011
 

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.  Equally, unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.  We cannot tolerate this behavior and we have been forced to ban
both of you from the store.  Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in House wares.  Get on it right away’.  This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘why can’t you people just leave me alone?’  EMT’s were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME!  PICK ME!’

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO!  IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’

And last, but not least:

15.  October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey!  There’s no toilet paper in here.’  One of the clerks passed out.

If you don’t send this to 12 of your dearest friends, your property taxes will go up, your stocks will go down, and your middle will spread.  (How’s that for a curse??)  WHAT?  It’s already come true?

Then send it anyway–you’ve got nothing’ to lose!


 

 

 

Missouri war vets, Application War Medallion

February 16, 2011

Your message is ready to be sent with the following file or link attachments:
Application WarMedallion

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February 16, 2011

FUNERAL HOME IN ALABAMA (funny)

February 16, 2011

Free Health Care

February 13, 2011
FLAVOR00-NONE-0000-0000-000000000000 ;

 

If you can’t afford a doctor, go to an airport – you’ll get a free x-ray and a breast exam, and; if you mention Al Qaeda, you’ll get a free colonoscopy.


 

     

Bacon Grease warning

February 13, 2011
    There is nothing better to fry eggs, pop corn, 
Seasoned beans, or seasoned cornbread.  
But I didn’t know this can happen!!!! 

IF YOU HAVE EVER INGESTED BACON GREASE IN ANY FORM.   
PLEASE READ THIS!!!! 

Bacon Grease
 warning 
The question is: Do you use bacon grease?
 
We were raised on bacon grease (lard) as kids 

and even into adulthood. I will never use it again. 
I hope you will throw yours away whenever you 
fry bacon from now on. It seems nothings is 
safe to eat anymore.

 

COOKING WITH BACON GREASE 
I just threw out my last 2 lbs of bacon grease!!
 
This is what happens when you keep

cooking with bacon grease

This is a warning, send this to everyone

you care about.


 

 


Warn everyone !!

Bacon grease will make your feet shrink